The past couple of months have been pretty interesting in that lots of different topics and activities have been busying my life. Here are a couple of them:
Looking back over the past 2 years since I returned from China, I can see that Tris and I have been growing closer and having a lot more fun gradually over time. This is really lovely. However, there are still times of major hiccoughs when things feel like they’re going backwards. Tris says that these times are actually an indication of the deeper emotions that haven’t yet been dealt with, and since they’re there all the time, it’s not really going backwards. Either way, I find them pretty tough.
About two months ago, Tris asked me to move in with me. I was staying with him more than I was living at my shared home, so he wanted to make it formal. This was something I took pretty seriously. There were a lot of factors to think about and a lot of worries and fears I have about living with Tris ‘full-time’. I realised that while I have learnt to take responsibility for myself in some areas of my life, I do not take responsibility for myself emotionally in my relationship with Tris. So if moving in is to be successful, I’ll need to grow into an adult who is willing to be emotionally responsible for myself.
There are also other worries and addictions I have. My yearning for travelling abroad and working internationally in education and development still lurks nearby (quite nearby at times!) and sometimes I wonder if this is my calling or if it’s addictions and running away. I don’t yet know for certain. While AJ and Mary have clearly indicated that it’s linked to a need for family approval and spirit influence to be away from Tris (i.e. Why do all my aspirations and coping mechanisms seem to take me physically and emotionally far away from Tris?), I’m still not hearing this. Especially when stuff gets challenging emotionally, and I would rather run away than face the pain.
While I am a person who identifies the areas of pain in her life and likes to run away from them, zone out from them or get angry and aggressive at them (and then run away), my lovely man is not. Tris does something different. He likes to find areas of pain in his life so that he can deal with them. He knows that being deeply challenged will transform him. And I think this is really brave.
For now, the offer of moving in with Tris has been rescinded as the past month has brought up a lot of my own fears and concerns and I’ve not dealt with them in a responsible way. I’ve looked at my issues in our relationship as being ‘Tristan’s issue to fix’ rather than seeing it as something I’m attracting and approaching it from a self-responsible way.
In this recording, Tris talks to me about the importance of knowing and finding your soulmate and dealing with all issues you have between each other. The issues between you cannot be dealt with (long term) by leaving the relationship (Annnnna!!). There is some explicit language and crude humour – please beware.
Connecting to feelings:
A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend who frequently follows the activities outlined in the book The Artists Way. I also had a conversation with Tris (see below) where he talks about using writing to connect to emotions and God. I made a pledge to implement the strategy suggested by Tris, married to an idea from The Artists Way – to write several pages every day, no matter what. Doing this regularly has helped me connect to my feelings. I also notice when I do this it helps me to take more responsibility for my feelings. In the following recording, Tris outlines how writing helped him and a strategy to experiment with when using writing to help connect to feelings.
Temporarily helping out God’s Way:
I have been working less since August, which has given me a lot more free time. I heard from Tris that God’s Way Ltd was requiring some documents to be written up to help them with the process of purchasing insurance. I decided to do a little research into relevant policy and procedures and then I wrote one up to send to the directors. I’ve been so lucky and happy to help write up some documents to help with God’s Way prepare for the upcoming Volunteer Selection Programme. I have researched and written a couple of policy and procedure’s, a risk assessment and a few other safety documents (wildlife safety, vehicle safety, participant health/emergency form). This has been very enjoyable as I’ve had to learn how to write these kinds of documents and I’ve loved learning something new. I’ve really loved being able to help out God’s Way. It’s also been so lovely to work with Tris, Eloisa and Catherine a little over emails.
For the past 6 months I’ve been a regular on Friday’s ‘Scrap Run’ with Tris. This involves us borrowing a ute and large trailer very kindly and generously lent to God’s Way and going to a large local supermarket and a local fruit & veggie store to collect the scraps. Then we dump the scraps in a large swale (a large curving ditch bulldozed to maximise water catchment and slow the run-off of water) on a God’s Way property, along with some cardboard and cover it all with a lot of straw. The aim is to add more nutrition and matter to the depleted (ex-cattle property) soil to invite microbes, fungi and insects to live, and their waste creates nutritious soil and supports higher life forms. More information about the principles behind this project can be found here.
Volunteer Selection Programme:
This 14 day (over 9 weeks) programme is being run by Tris and Eloisa for those who are desirous to work with God’s Way or Divine Truth. Luckily, I was selected as one of the participants. I’ve just completed the first three days of this programme and am really loving it so far. In my next post I’ll focus on this programme completely – so you’ll have to wait with baited breath!
Till next time!