Questions From Readers: Soulmates (from about a year ago)

Posted on by Tristan John Miller
A friend of mine sent me some questions about soul mates last year.
Because I’m working through my own soul mate issues of my own I still am not 100% sure if I have the whole soul mate longing (and therefore knowledge) down pat. But here are her questions and some answers that I currently think are true.
1. How can we determine if we are placing our soul mate relationship in the correct priority from God’s Perspective?
Soul mate relationships are not what most people think they are.

Anyone who thinks they are having a soul mate relationship are usually just instead focusing on having an addictive and co-dependent relationship.

By an addictive relationship I mean I relationship that is being used so one or both parties can avoid feeling their painful emotions .

Almost all of us do not know enough about ourselves, love or God to know the difference between a true relationship and an addictive relationship even when we are with someone.

My perspective of God’s perspective:

  • Soul mate relationships should be high on your list, addictive relationships should not be on your list at all.

So the question should be “How can I tell the bloody difference between the two?”

There might be a few answers and I don’t personally have any quick and easy answers but my personal top answer is this:

God’s first priority is all of us having a close relationship with God. So if my relationship with my soul mate does not encourage and challenge us both to grow and strengthen a loving bond with God then we are probably not doing a ‘soul mate relationship’.

Then, when my relationship with God is strong enough, he/she can tell me what should happen in my relationship and what the relationship’s priority is compared to the rest of my life.

Because God’s will then be my numero uno (number one) priority, I’ll most likely listen.

Anyone can do listen to GOd through the use of their conscience, which is a mechanism inside our souls.

The conscience allows God to tell a person the truth of how God feels about any subject. But this only occurs when we truly ask and truly want to hear the answer, even though the answer will always be emotional and often overwhelming.

2. If there appears to be a choice between following my desires or being with one’s soul mate, how can we navigate this situation?


Your desires, if pure, should lead you to a real soul mate relationship with your soul mate in the future.
This is true even if your pure desires lead to the utter destruction of the current relationship with your soul mate.
It is better to follow your pure desires than to stay in any relationship that limits these desires. But this is not the case for addictive desires.
By addictive desires I mean the desires that you have so you can avoid feeling emotions that you don’t like or to help you avoid the real truth of yourself and your actions (ie. your sin). These addictive desires will fuck up a relationship no matter who you are with. And God’s priority for you is that any loving relationship should definitely supersede these desires.
The real question is “How do I determine if my desires are pure or addictive in nature?”
Funnily enough my answer to the earlier question is the best answer to this one:
Have a relationship with God, get him to tell you.
My next best answer is your pure desires will overwhelm you, challenge you, focus you on loving concerns, provide real and lasting benefits for others and yourself and bring you in harmony with God’s Love.

If this is not happening for you when you engage in your desires, you need to question if these are actually pure desires or addictive ones.

3. And how does the priority between personal passions and a soul mate relationship change if one partner has a lot more desire for the soul mate relationship than the other?


God’s priorities for you don’t change just because one person in a couple wants a soul mate relationship and the other doesn’t or is unsure.
God’s priorities for humanity never change no matter what humanity does. God’s steadfast in what she wants.
Therefore my answers to the previous two questions and the same for this one. My feeling is God’s Priorities for us are (in order):
  • Relationship with God
  • Understand and engage in your pure desires.
  • Soulmate relationship (which should only benefit the first two priorities)

While you did not ask for this information here is some of my personal theories that I think may help answer the feelings you had that made you ask this question:

Soul mate relationships don’t work like normal relationships.

Normal relationships can have all sorts of goals either based on love or based on addictive desires.

Soul mate relationships have one real goal: bringing the two halves of a soul together to truly understand and experience the whole soul as one.

Therefore you do not have a soul mate relationship if only one of you wants this goal or if one of you demands the other be in a soulmate relationship with them.

With maybe the exception of Dad and Mary, who at times both have this goal, no one else I know of has a soul mate relationship.

What I instead think is happening is that a few of us are laying the groundwork for a soul mate relationship.

We are getting ready for it.

Doing some experiments.

Finding out if we want to understand and experience our whole souls as one.

Testing. Learning. Getting our courage together for the leap into such a relationship.

Doing our best to work towards the soulmate goal so that when our other half wants to join, they can, etc.

However being in a normal relationship and thinking that you are now done and have no need to grow further or if you and your partner are just trying to maintain the status quo of your relationship, then you are nowhere near growing a true soul mate relationship.

Hope that provides some clarity.
Tristan